I'm engaged. what is reality haha
I've actually been married a year now- but enjoyed reading this post I wrote upon engagment but never published. Here it is!
Everything after this was written shortly after getting engaged::::
It's been a wild ride.
To me- I feel like I've seen the other side of the dark veil lolol that sounds so morbid but I actually don't mean it that way. But for example last year on instagram I was commenting on a friends wedding and finding it difficult to fathom how and why people agree to spend forever together. Everything from that agreement to actually finding someone you would feel remotely ok about making that agreement with seemed mildly outlandish. I mean I guess I supposed people might do it reluctantly just because it's a good thing to do but the chances of being stoked on such a long term deal seemed doubtful. And I didn't always think that way- as a kid I wanted to be married. But I guess my own tragic (lolol as in the tragic fellows I dated) led me to have some level of skepticism. Anyways, now that I've seen the other side (haha ok I'm not married but sheeeit I'm engaged and that's huge too!) I'm here to spill the beans and tell ALL the seakrits! telll ya moms, ya pops, and ya fams bc the beans is bein spilt over hur. The lurv beans that is. Bow chicka bow wow.
So to start off with I just want to say that growing up and all throughout my life I was surrounded by a lot of extreme views towards marriage which I will go into more detail about once I've listed them:
1. The ridiculous way that fairy tales, movies, and often social media over romanticizes everything and make weddings/marriage ect to seem like some floofy pink bubbly escapade that forever changes your life into rainbows and sparkles. Barf.
2. The orthodox perspective on marriage as a means to salvation and essentially martyrdom of your own self will and self to become closer to and more like Christ and God. With the wrong lens this can also seem very barf.
3. The backlash of people and friends and family to the over romanticized view on marriage who basically don't believe in marriage and count it as worthless. Or if it is worth doing it's only after being together after years and really testing everything out ahead of time. This was more so friends in my biking, running, skating, college world.
So. I never really stopped believing in marriage because I'm orthodox and I saw my parents greatly enhance my own life and the beauty that laying down your life can bring to others. And I definitely obsessed over other cute couples. However, I do think that because I saw the flaw in how often marriage is portrayed (see perspective on marriage number 1)- I kind of dismissed the genuine joy that comes with all that. I used to be obsessed with hearing what I liked to call other peoples "cute stories" but I kind of stopped believing in the importance of being in love. Just a fleeting emotion right? That is over hyped and misleading to people all the time. Or I wasn't sure how important I thought it was, but I just didn't see being in love very well lining up with making the right choice.
And now I'll dip into me and Alex's story. Our dating was definitely rocky at first. I think that we were super awkward and I wondered if we had any hope of being normal together (haha!). At the time Ansley was dating Chris but had been dating longer and she told me to hang in there because things started out awkward with Chris too. I remember being in the car with all of them one night on the way home from a babyshower. I was shrieking with laugher at some ridiculous joke Alex made (Ansley and Chris were not) and that's when I realized Ansley was right. Btw the joke WAS super lame.... Alex was telling Ansley and Chris they should totally go to Ronald McDonalds steak house (aka Mcdonalds hurhur). However I honestly don't think I felt "deeply in love" with Alex until after engaged. Is that weird? I don't know! Everyone's story is different! What I loved about Alex (pre-engagement)was how well we worked together. I liked spending time with him and had a deep respect for him. He holds himself to a very high standard and is so strong in so many ways. He definitely works super hard and it is obvious how selfless he is. But outside of that we had SO many adventures. He has done any and every activity with me from swing dancing to skating to riding bikes, backpacking, rock climbing, running, swimming and volleyball. And he loves God so much that everything was just... smooth- once we got past our awkward stage RIP. But when he proposed I definitely had a panic attack before and a period of mourning after. I've never been one big for commitments and I guess I was just sort of shocked at what I had gotten myself into. For a different post- but I also think that's OK- to have some of those emotions. It is a big deal and a big commitment and I felt right about it but also it was hard to fathom in some ways.
But then the longer we were engaged the more in love with him I felt. I have no idea why. Drinking hot cocoa and listening to christmas carols next to the bright christmas tree we decorated, dancing like goofballs in the car on the way to see Mary Anna's new baby get chrismated... so many fun memories where everything felt sparkly and just the way they are portrayed in those cliche movies! So all this is to say is that currently- my opinion on the matter is that.... I definitely don't think you should marry someone based on being on "feeling in love" alone. Need to have a little more logic than that. But the in love and excited part is real and such a blessing! Like I honestly can't wait to marry him. I'm so excited! Just the little things like coming home to him and cooking dinner together every night to the big things like having kids together!
I'm here to testify that God does in fact often have someone just right for you! It's martyrdom but there is also so much joy to go along with it! So all those movies touch on truth (in my opinion) but they just don't have the full picture. It's such an amazing mystery to me- that you can find this human who you just work well with and you then start your own little tribe together! I feel so weirdly blessed- like what did i do to deserve this amazing guy?
And it's also weird because I would NEVER have pictured myself with someone like him haha. He's pretty straightedge and at first didn't want to date me because he thought I was maybe too much of a "hoodlum" LOL. This is a guy who is super career oriented- getting his Phd at tech. He highly disapproves of my ratchet music and gets scandalized when I do stuff like pass out wedding invites to my wedding at my brother's wedding. But as Fr. Tom reminds me... opposites attrack. The adventure is just starting... so much more to be revealed!
So to start off with I just want to say that growing up and all throughout my life I was surrounded by a lot of extreme views towards marriage which I will go into more detail about once I've listed them:
1. The ridiculous way that fairy tales, movies, and often social media over romanticizes everything and make weddings/marriage ect to seem like some floofy pink bubbly escapade that forever changes your life into rainbows and sparkles. Barf.
2. The orthodox perspective on marriage as a means to salvation and essentially martyrdom of your own self will and self to become closer to and more like Christ and God. With the wrong lens this can also seem very barf.
3. The backlash of people and friends and family to the over romanticized view on marriage who basically don't believe in marriage and count it as worthless. Or if it is worth doing it's only after being together after years and really testing everything out ahead of time. This was more so friends in my biking, running, skating, college world.
So. I never really stopped believing in marriage because I'm orthodox and I saw my parents greatly enhance my own life and the beauty that laying down your life can bring to others. And I definitely obsessed over other cute couples. However, I do think that because I saw the flaw in how often marriage is portrayed (see perspective on marriage number 1)- I kind of dismissed the genuine joy that comes with all that. I used to be obsessed with hearing what I liked to call other peoples "cute stories" but I kind of stopped believing in the importance of being in love. Just a fleeting emotion right? That is over hyped and misleading to people all the time. Or I wasn't sure how important I thought it was, but I just didn't see being in love very well lining up with making the right choice.
And now I'll dip into me and Alex's story. Our dating was definitely rocky at first. I think that we were super awkward and I wondered if we had any hope of being normal together (haha!). At the time Ansley was dating Chris but had been dating longer and she told me to hang in there because things started out awkward with Chris too. I remember being in the car with all of them one night on the way home from a babyshower. I was shrieking with laugher at some ridiculous joke Alex made (Ansley and Chris were not) and that's when I realized Ansley was right. Btw the joke WAS super lame.... Alex was telling Ansley and Chris they should totally go to Ronald McDonalds steak house (aka Mcdonalds hurhur). However I honestly don't think I felt "deeply in love" with Alex until after engaged. Is that weird? I don't know! Everyone's story is different! What I loved about Alex (pre-engagement)was how well we worked together. I liked spending time with him and had a deep respect for him. He holds himself to a very high standard and is so strong in so many ways. He definitely works super hard and it is obvious how selfless he is. But outside of that we had SO many adventures. He has done any and every activity with me from swing dancing to skating to riding bikes, backpacking, rock climbing, running, swimming and volleyball. And he loves God so much that everything was just... smooth- once we got past our awkward stage RIP. But when he proposed I definitely had a panic attack before and a period of mourning after. I've never been one big for commitments and I guess I was just sort of shocked at what I had gotten myself into. For a different post- but I also think that's OK- to have some of those emotions. It is a big deal and a big commitment and I felt right about it but also it was hard to fathom in some ways.
But then the longer we were engaged the more in love with him I felt. I have no idea why. Drinking hot cocoa and listening to christmas carols next to the bright christmas tree we decorated, dancing like goofballs in the car on the way to see Mary Anna's new baby get chrismated... so many fun memories where everything felt sparkly and just the way they are portrayed in those cliche movies! So all this is to say is that currently- my opinion on the matter is that.... I definitely don't think you should marry someone based on being on "feeling in love" alone. Need to have a little more logic than that. But the in love and excited part is real and such a blessing! Like I honestly can't wait to marry him. I'm so excited! Just the little things like coming home to him and cooking dinner together every night to the big things like having kids together!
I'm here to testify that God does in fact often have someone just right for you! It's martyrdom but there is also so much joy to go along with it! So all those movies touch on truth (in my opinion) but they just don't have the full picture. It's such an amazing mystery to me- that you can find this human who you just work well with and you then start your own little tribe together! I feel so weirdly blessed- like what did i do to deserve this amazing guy?
And it's also weird because I would NEVER have pictured myself with someone like him haha. He's pretty straightedge and at first didn't want to date me because he thought I was maybe too much of a "hoodlum" LOL. This is a guy who is super career oriented- getting his Phd at tech. He highly disapproves of my ratchet music and gets scandalized when I do stuff like pass out wedding invites to my wedding at my brother's wedding. But as Fr. Tom reminds me... opposites attrack. The adventure is just starting... so much more to be revealed!
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